Mistress Vancouver Dominatrix, Fetish, Discipline, Domination

07 February 2011 @ 09:25 am

Divine Androgyny

During my search for division and identity something occurred to me that isn't yet fully defined, but as time passes by, it is shaping itself into a concrete form as something, one may refer to as, divine.
As you may have guessed I’m talking about the gender issue, that is in constant quest in sexual sphere and eroticism. There is no doubt that there's more than just he or she.

Wendy Doniger identifies three kinds of psychological androgynies: a splitting one, who embodies male and female qualities, but must split to become creative; a fusing one, who must merge with a male or female side of the personality to become bisexual; and a "two in one", often represented by a couple that unites in a perfect love.
The third one closely reminds me of relationships encountered throughout my domination career, as well as through my personal discoveries in a circle of my closest friends. Aspects have been experienced within numerous session encounters, personalized chats, contemplations, educational and public events. All of these have a common feature and that is, besides causing physical/mental pain/discomfort, in description, how best to proceed to enact fantasies that don't conform to the standards of everyday reality, and are from the outside looking in, often treated with contempt and labelled as “sick”.

I suspect all of these encounters carry a message of wanting to understand, and instead of suppressing the desire, to rather refine it, live it out in a learned manner. This is supported by certain sex educators of today. It is about cultivating something within. Nurturing a desire in its animalistic form that, through patient learning of techniques, being conscious of limitations, psychological aspects and effects, acquires a more humane, acceptable, loving form, even if bdsm might appear to outsiders as cruel, merciless and beastial.

Embracing my animus, thereby accepting my male substance is a long-term task, taking years to fulfill. Having emerged within me, the solution found when resurfacing, once awakened to it, was to rise to the occasion.
It is not a penis envy. There is more to it than my physically missing phallus, and it is not a phantom pain that draws me to strapping on a rubber extension (to penetrate).
It is my playful, curious femaleness in me, whispering into my ear perhaps through the mouth of my animus, persuading me, in comical fashion, to take on the role of a man by adopting his sexual body parts and his movements imitating intercourse. A woman and a man in one, where her play partner, similarly, adopts a role of a woman by denying his sex; either locking it in a chastity belt or covering it with tight panties, pantyhose, bra, applying full make up... His anus becomes a woman's vagina, allowing himself a wonderful chance to be a woman for a moment (a day, a week, a lifetime behind the walls of bedroom, in an evening of clubbing, in everyday social interaction, as frequently or as rarely as he chooses to).

This sexual manifestation of the opposite gender in us, acknowledging its internal presence living in a body of one particular sex, is an ancient one. It is conveyed in profound religious thinking such as Hindu myth of divine androgyny, where Krishna is one half and Radha the other, the philosophy of Gilles Deleuze in his Masoch and the Masochism, psychological analysis of C.G. Jung on archetypes, as well as a subject of art, etc.

My adoption of male features is in perfect harmony with my feminine side. It is a peaceful coexistence of two elements: the visible one, the one that can consciously transform and the one exposed by its convincing whispers, through equally strong though invisible presence, in theatrical creations connected to ritualistic practises of bdsm.

I really encourage anyone to discover and explore the desire to submit to the inner voice of opposite gender within himself or herself. Lovingly accept it and explore with a trusted friend. Open up to it. Be prepared to 'let the beast out', tame and master it, because only with patient care and attention I believe it can actually make one’s life fuller.


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